Archive | July, 2009

Kid's Pissed Because Amazon Deleted 1984 From His Kindle

31 Jul


First of all, what the fuck is a high school kid doing with a Kindle? Kindles are for middle aged persons that are too lazy to carry real books, and who are too Generation X to use an iPod. Second of all, getting a book deleted from your Kindle is more of a hiccup than subject for a blown out legal battle. It’s called a library, kid. You should try using one.


“When Amazon foolishly yanked 1984 from thousands of Kindles, Justin Gawronski’s electronic notes for a summer assignment became useless.

Now a class action lawsuit has been filed that seeks punitive damages for those affected by the deletion as well as an injunction that forbids Amazon from improperly accessing Kindles in the future.”

He probably forgot to do his homework. Don’t they know that teenagers don’t read? I know I didn’t, but look how great I turned out. Really great.


Proof That Black People Drink Beer. Obama's Beer Summit

31 Jul

Video Of President Obama’s Cambridge Officer Crowley And Harvard Professor Gates Beer Summit”

Semen Up. High In Sodium

31 Jul

sevenupfail englishfailblog

I didn’t know RC Cola was still around.


Mother Allergic To Her Own Baby. Sad/Hilarious

30 Jul
She's Either Next To Her Baby, Or About To Orgasm

She's Either Next To Her Baby, Or About To Orgasm

Joanne Mackie was allergic to her own baby during his first months. Sad yes, but doesn’t some part of you think that’s kind of hilarious? I’m probably being insensitive; no, I know I’m being insensitive, but when I imagine someone like Mrs. Mackie and the situation she’s in, I can’t help but picture a fat woman in a plastic bubble with a doleful look on her face. The look all fat people have when they’re in a Mcdonald’s eating a Big Mac when they know they should be eating a salad.


“Mrs Mackie, 28, could not even cuddle her new born son James or pick him up because she was in so much pain.

The new mother was forced to cover herself in Muslin cloth before she went near her son.

After a skin biopsy she was diagnosed with Pemphigoid Gestationis, a rare skin disease caused by an allergic reaction to her baby developed while she was still pregnant.

Mrs Mackie was put on a course of strong steroids and after a month the blisters subsided leaving her able to hug James for the first time without feeling pain.”

You know who I feel bad for? Mr. Mackie. She’s just watching from the sidelines, probably crying, and making her husband feel like shit for caring for his own child. Then he has to look at his wife, who’s probably let herself go, much like many pregnant women after they give birth. Not to mention she has horrible rashes all over her skin. Sorry Robert.

Douchebag Name Generator. Thinks My Name is Douchey Enough

30 Jul


Find out what your douchebag name is. I didn’t know I was a douchebag already. Harsh.


Personal Urns: Made From Your Loved Ones Face

30 Jul


This is the creepiest way to memorialize your deceased loved one. No Joke. I would not want one of these above my fireplace, or on my dresser. Can you honestly walk around your house alone and in the dark? No, you can’t because darkness is scary, and having some dead person’s face staring back at you in the dark is even scarier. Granted, you probably won’t be able to see them, unless there was just enough light to see lightly colored objects. I would be scared shitless if I was in my house and all I could see was my great grandfather’s personal urn looking at me dead in the eyes. Thank God for night lights.


“Personal urns are a new and exciting way to memorialize your loved one. 

Now we can create a custom urn in the image of your loved one or favorite Celebrity.

New advances in facial reconstruction and 3D printing have made it possible to have an urn made in the image of anyone from just a photograph.

Never forget a face. Personal Urns combine art and technology to create a family heirloom that will be cherished for generations.”

I wouldn’t mind having a personal urn of Jessica Alba or Megan Fox. I wonder if they have a complete set that includes the body, because then I’d totally get one…naked. If they did, I’d keep it in my bed and do unforgivable things to it. Who needs a girlfriend when you’ve got your own Megan Fox? I’m pathetic.

Are Mini Kegs Worth the Money? To Put it Shortly (Pun); It Depends

30 Jul


When I’m drunk, I really don’t give a fuck about what I spend my money on. I’ll shell out $50 bucks at the bar, then spend another $20 on a cab ride. Hell, I’ll even spend $4 at 7-11 for a chili-dog and a drink. The point is, you practically hand out money when you’re inebriated, which really hinders money saving practices due to the fact that going out is way too expensive. I don’t feel like buying a beer for $3. I won’t even buy my 2 year old daughter bottled water at that price.  But now, you don’t have to worry about over spending at the bar, because you can just stay in and drink! Fun.


“the MillerCoors’s home draft systems can be placed upright in a refrigerator, and can keep beer fresh for about 30 days.

If you’re looking for the absolute cheapest optionwith less concern about quality or taste, it may not be worth it. A mini MillerCoors keg gives you about 16 12-ounce beers that cost about $1.25 each. 

But if you belong to the 30% of beer drinkers who prefer tap beer, according to the Journal’s report, you may think it’s worth it to pay the 15% price-per-ounce premium over an 18-pack of beer in cans.”

I’m not so much a beer connoisseur, as I am a fan of it’s thrilling effects. I don’t care about the taste of beer. I just care about how hot it makes that husky girl in my accounting class look. And believe me…she’s looking reeeeal good right now.