Archive | June, 2009

American Forces Pulling Out Of Iraq. Almost as Effective as Using a Condom

30 Jun

Yes, after about 6 years, we’re finally pulling out of Iraq.


“U.S. officials said they believe Iraq‘s police and army can keep a lid on the violence, which Morrell said was at the lowest point “in the history of this conflict.”

U.S. troops rolled into Baghdad in April 2003, less than three weeks after launching the invasion that toppled Saddam Hussein. President Bush said the invasion was necessary because Hussein’s government was concealing nuclear, chemical and biological weapons programs and could have provided those weapons to terrorists.

After the invasion, U.S. inspectors found that Iraq had dismantled its weapons programs under U.N. sanctions in 1990s. But the Americans soon found themselves facing an insurgency from several quarters, including ex-members of Hussein’s deposed Baath Party, a Shiite Muslim militia led by anti-American cleric Muqtada al-Sadr and Sunni jihadists loyal to al Qaeda in Iraq.

More than 4,300 Americans have been killed in Iraq since the invasion.”

However, some people, like this douchebag (Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri) considers the pullout to be a ‘historic victory for the insurgents.’



“A Web site associated with the Baath Party posted a statement Tuesday attributed to Hussein’s former deputy, Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri, calling the American pullout a “historic victory” for the insurgents.

“The 30th of June 2009 is your precious and glorious day that embodies your historic victories,” the statement said. “For your enemy and the enemy of God decided to flee the battlefields dragging the tails of disappointment and defeat to protect its fleeing soldiers in a few and limited fortified bases, where they think they will find safety from your heroic charges and Godly strikes.”

Al-Douri, the highest-ranking member of Hussein’s government to remain at large, is believed to be a top figure in the insurgency. His urged Iraqis to keep fighting Americans “wherever they may be in Iraq.””

He’s just pissed because he looks like a a gremlin that fell into a tank of bleach.


Our President is Charmingly Nonchalant

30 Jun

PETA Members are Hypocrites

30 Jun



GE is Sneaky

30 Jun

GE’s finance division managed to find a huge loophole in order to capitalize on the tax-payer funded bailout. Maybe everyone should fucking cooperate so that the new financial overhaul can actually work. If GE were a person, I’d punch him in the ear for being so indecisive/clever.  


“GE’s finance arm is not classified as a bank. Rather, it worked its way into the rescue program by owning two relatively small Utah banking institutions, illustrating how the loopholes in the U.S. regulatory system are manifest in the government’s historic intervention in the financial crisis.

The Obama administration now wants to close such loopholes as it works to overhaul the financial system. The plan would reaffirm and strengthen the wall between banking and commerce, forcing companies like GE to essentially choose one or the other.

“We’d like to regulate companies according to what they do, rather than what they call themselves or how they charter themselves,” said Andrew Williams, a Treasury spokesman.

GE’s ability to live in the best of both worlds — capitalizing on the federal safety net while avoiding more rigorous regulation — existed well before last year’s crisis, because of its unusual corporate structure.”

They must have used so much cunning to pull this off.

Guess Who This Is

30 Jun


It’s Mariah Carey…somehow looking more terrible. This is her Eminem get up for her new music video “Obsessed,” and possibly a fetish of Nick Cannon’s.


Steve Jobs Is Back, Turtleneck and All

30 Jun


There are a few guarantees with Steve Jobs at the helm. The first is his savvy approach to business. He continues to bring new and exiciting innovations to Apple, and executes them smoother than most CEO’s. So smoothly in fact, that the majority of us, after watching a few Apple commercials, have the desire to own the latest Apple gadget. Have you seen the new iPhone 3G S? It’s fucking awesome. Second, is his charisma. Steve Jobs is a charming motherfucker. Have you ever seen his keynote addresses? I feel like I could be on stage with him and be totally comfortable. I feel like we could be friends. I feel like I could dwelve into the deepest depths of my soul, and just tell him everything, and he’d be totally fine with it. Third, is his fashion sense. He always wears a turtleneck, what looks to be Levi’s jeans, and white tennis shoes. That’s how laid back he is. Who wears $14 jeans to a presentation? Steve fucking Jobs.


“Jobs, 54, is working from Apple’s Cupertino, Calif., headquarters “a few days a week” and working from home the remaining days, Apple spokesman Steve Dowling said Monday.

The Apple chief was diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer. He had surgery in 2004 and announced then that he was cured.”
In addition to his awesomeness, Apple stock rose to $142.87. You know what else rose up? My boner.

the Japanese Prime Minister Must Really Love anime

29 Jun


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to a fast food restaurant, and saw some (40 year old) fat dude, with glasses and long hair, reading a manga comic book. It is not cool to sit alone and pretend that you know what the japanese text says; we all know you’re just looking at the pictures of anime chicks with huge tits. Also, sitting alone reading a comic book, let alone a manga comic, will not help you pick up girls. But then again if you’re doing something like that, maybe meeting girls isn’t your thing. Maybe you just like to fantasize about doing a three way with Sailor Moon and Sailor Venus. I guess you’re not alone, because the Japanese Prime Minister gets a huge hard-on from anime. He wants to spend $150 million bones to build a museum that showcases  Japan’s greatest collection of anime.


“In Japan, children and adults alike can be seen reading Manga comics in cafes and on trains.

Mr Aso’s decision to construct the so-called Manga museum has drawn mockery from the opposition.

In Parliament, opposition leader Yukio Hatoyama said he knew Mr Aso was a big fan of Manga, but he questioned why the state should be spending $150 million to build the museum.

“Isn’t this just a colossal waste of money?” he said.

“This isn’t just some spur of the moment idea that I dreamed up,” Mr Aso said.

“It was planned by the previous administration and I am implementing it.””

Anime is the most annoying thing to watch. Everything moves way too fast, and the english dubs are just terrible. Have you ever sat through an entire episode of Dragonball Z? They literally stand there and yell at each other for about 10 episodes, saying that when they’re done powering up, they’re going to give the other dude a serious beat down. But then something always comes up, like a new character comes from the future to prevent things from happening in the past. And then they go through 10 more episodes to give the back story of the character from the future, then that person powers up for 10 more episodes. That’s 30 episodes of powering up. Not a good way to spend your weekday afternoons…or weekends if you’re a nerd.