Archive | August, 2009

08.31.09 Boner Inducing Links

31 Aug

gangsta-fail-23830-1251728048-5

If the Power Rangers Origin Story Was More Realistic [Cracked]

Wrist Mounted Flamethrower. Fucking Awesome [Geekologie]

The Dullest Blog in the World [Dullest Blog]

Beluga Whale Saves Drowning Girl (w/ Photos to Prove It) [The Chive]

Worst Celebrity DUI Excuses Ever. Best: “Sorry officer, I didn’t know I couldn’t do that.” -Dave Chappelle [Maxim]

15 Prime Examples of Video Game Console Costumes. Not that Retarded [Unreality Mag]

Disney Buys Marvel for $4 Billion. Unlikely Duo [NY Times]

New TMNT to Team Up With Their 80s Counterparts. Cowabunga Bro Montana! [Topless Robot]

Mad Men Does Black Face Performance. Err, I’m sorry–I meant Chocolate Face [Asylum]

Diet and Exercise Might Be Good For You

30 Aug

exercise-posters

So apparently exercise is good for us these days.  In fact, exercise is so good for us, it actually helps keep our heart ticking and prevent us from having problems with that oh so important purveyor of life.

[via]

“Studies have shown heart patients benefit from exercise, and some have even shown it works better than surgical procedures. At a meeting of the European Society of Cardiology on Sunday, several experts said doctors should focus more on persuading their patients to exercise rather than simply doing angioplasties…

Hambrecht published a study in 2004 that found that nearly 90 percent of heart patients who rode bikes regularly were free of heart problems one year after they started their exercise regimen. Among patients who had an angioplasty instead, only 70 percent were problem-free after a year.”

Fucking geniuses. So I guess that we shouldn’t just eat whatever the fuck we want and sit on our asses all day and night and wait until we actually have that inevitable pain shoot down the left side of our body?  Maybe we should attack the problem before it happens; you know, that whole regiment called diet and exercise.  Or we could just continue to do what people do best, and continue to not give a fuck about ourselves and wait for the socialized health plan to save us all. God bless America.

AAA's Intense Survey Tells Anyone Aged 18-22 What We Already Know

29 Aug

AAA

According to a recently published survey from AAA, it appears college students pay too much for parking privileges. Shocker.

[via]

“Students can pay a pretty penny just to own and operate a car and to park it on campus and to cover all the other incidentals — the cost of insurance, car care, repairs and other expenses — that invariably come with having a car,” said John B. Townsend II, the association’s mid-Atlantic manager of public and government affairs.

Despite the cost, almost three-quarters of the nation’s 18.4 million college students will return to campus with a car, AAA said. The association’s annual guide said some students will spend as much as $8,095 a year to keep and maintain a new car at school.

“Typically, college students spend nearly $15 billion annually on cars, according to various estimates,” Townsend said.”

Wow.  Top notch research by AAA.  I’ve been told by an insider at AAA that their next survey to be released is entitled “College Students Overpay for Textbooks.”  Seriously, they had to conduct a whole survey and waste a bunch of money to cover the costs when all they could have done is asked one fucking kid how much he pays for his parking pass and they would’ve had their answer?  Unfuckingbelievable.

Blimey! London ATMs to Have "Cockney Slang" As Selectable Language

29 Aug
Ello guvnuh!

Ello guvnuh!

Apparently Cockney is still important enough to the banks in England that they will start to offer it as a selectable language on ATMs across the sea.

[via]
“Bank Machine, which runs 2,500 ATMs across the country, has set up five cash dispensers in locations from Spittalfields to Barnet that offer customers the option either to request cash in English, or “moolah for ya sky rocket” in cockney.Ask for cockney and the machine tells you it is “Readin’ your bladder of lard” before asking for your “Huckleberry Finn”. Then the hard decisions start. Do you want to see your balance on the Charlie Sheen? Or withdraw sausage and mash?

If the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang cash machines are a success, the company hopes to follow them up with Brummie, Geordie, Scouse and Scots ATMs (suggestions for these much welcomed – the British Library’s Sounds Familiar website, which tracks accents and dialects, was not a huge amount of help in coming up with the Brummie for cash).”

Now that’s what I call using your loaf!  Regardless of the fact that Cockney is a dying “language” used primarily in East London only, you can still check your bank balance on the Charlie Sheen and take out a Lady Godiva if you’ve got deep enough sky rockets. Be careful of overdrafting though, as you’ll find yourself in a great big heap of Barney!

Pay Money to Sleep On a Bed of Hay. Smart

29 Aug
Look how neatly your bed can be stored!

Look how neatly your bed can be stored

Apparently the new trend in European vacationing is staying at barns.  Specifically, barns from the 11th century that are re-dubbed as “hotels,” complete with piles of hay for that authentic feel of the time.

[via]

“In Germany and its European neighbors Austria and Switzerland, a long weekend in a converted barn – sleeping on a bed of freshly raked hay — is fast becoming the ‘staycation’ of choice.

Heuhotels (‘heu’ is German for hay) offer exactly what their name suggests. For as little as eight euros ($11) a night backpackers, couples, families and, in the case of one “hay hotel” in central Germany – ‘groups of up to 60’ – can rest their heads in a way nature intended.”

That’s cool, I guess.  I don’t know about you, but who wouldn’t want to be waited on by a bellboy wearing a tunic and referring to you as a knight?  It may sound a bit homo-erotic, but maybe that’s just the kind of thing we need to take the edge of our lives in these tough times.  And I guess now when you leave the door open to your room and hotel management comes down and asks you, “what do we live in a barn?” you can put the dispute to bed (get it?? bed!?!) with a simple “yes.”

How To Relax Before Sex With Someone New

27 Aug

The Chinese are Good at Preventing Suicides

27 Aug
4791

A Chinese Person. Maybe

Nothing ruins your morning commute more than traffic, especially if it’s due to onlookers watching people off themselves. Thank God someone came up with a solution to the problem. The Chinese are lubing up the climbable parts of their bridges with butter so people can’t jump off them. They’re saying that it causes a massive build-up of traffic creating a huge annoyance for commuters. Suicides are such an inconvenience.

[via]

“Chinese workers have covered a giant steel bridge with butter because officials are fed up with traffic jams caused by people who slow down to watch suicide victims leaping to their death.

Government officials in Guangzhou in south east China ordered workers to smear butter on all of the climbable surfaces of the 1,000 foot long steel bridge.

Government spokesman Shiu Liang said: “We tried employing guards at both ends but that didn’t work – and we put up special fences and notices asking people not to commit suicide here. None of it worked – and so now we have put butter over the bridge and it has worked very well. Nobody can get up there and anybody who tries either falls.””

Chinese workers have covered a giant steel bridge with butter because officials are fed up with traffic jams caused by people who slow down to watch suicide victims leaping to their death.
Government officials in Guangzhou in south east China ordered workers to smear butter on all of the climbable surfaces of the 1,000 foot long steel bridge.
Government spokesman Shiu Liang said: “We tried employing guards at both ends but that didn’t work – and we put up special fences and notices asking people not to commit suicide here. None of it worked – and so now we have put butter over the bridge and it has worked very well. Nobody can get up there and anybody who tries either falls”

I can’t decide if this is a fucking brilliant idea, or a retarded one. When you think of it conceptually it sounds stupid. Imagine reading the proposal for this on paper: “Solution to people jumping off bridges: Butter.” That’s what you would do in a cartoon…if people killed themselves in cartoons. But the practicality of it is genius because you’re literally putting butter on a bridge. You can’t jump off something you can’t climb. You know what you can’t put butter on? A bullet.